Introduction — Welcome to “Tell Me How My Blog Tastes”

As to not bury the lede, you probably have this question in mind:

What’s with the name? It’s kind of aggressive and makes me feel uncomfortable and now I’m closing this and gone forever.

No! Please don’t! I can explain.

In case you didn’t know, in the time before viral videos were a thing, following the Miami Heat’s first title in 2006, Shaquille O’Neal decided he wanted to express his happiness via raps and unintentionally create the first viral video — something all of us can relate to.

First, please meet Shaquille O’Neal, former all-world NBA center, torturer of my childhood and minority owner of my beloved Sacramento Kings. Say hello to Shaq. Hi, Shaq.

He’s a little scared. Sea lions are secretly dangerous.

Important to note: In the 1990s, O’Neal would have been a successful rapper by today’s standards — his debut album “Shaq Diesel” sold one million copies, as did his sophomore joint “Shaq-Fu: Da Return.” Yes, there used to be a time when essentially all of San Jose would buy a musical creation by an NBA All-Star not once, but twice. Please give Metta World Peace a time machine.

In his four released albums, Shaq tabbed insane rappers and producers to feature on his CDs. A select list: RZA, Method Man, Notorious B.I.G., Jay(RIPHyphen)Z, Rakim, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, George Clinton, Common, Black Thought. How the hell did so many of them co-sign such garbage? And how did Puffy not get in on this action?

So, anyway, following a messy divorce from Kobe Bryant and the Lakers, O’Neal went to Miami. In his second year, they beat the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. Shaq was understandably happy. So happy, in fact, he wanted to pick the ol’ mic up in a club and tap into the music well one more time. This was the result.

Tremendous. The key part is at the one-minute mark. A transcript, for you.

Kobe, n***a, tell me how my ass tastes. Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.

After that, it gets real when Shaq accuses Bryant of ruining his marriage. But this is the key line which became a part of the Shaq’s life. He’s even embraced it.

So, not only is that line hilarious, but it and his patently ludicrous music foray speak volumes about him and how much he cares about what he wants to do, in that priority number one is knowing one’s self and staying true to that self. Writing a mini-ode on O’Neal’s staunch dedication to doing what he wants is also patently ludicrous. But in a crafty bit of reverse engineering, it’s a solid message of what I want to do in this space.

I’ve been creatively frustrated with ideas on ideas on what I want to write about with no outlet. So, instead of seeking niche ones for each thought, here’s one for whatever I want. Don’t know much traction this will ultimately have. There’s kind of a lot online for people to look at. But at the least, it’s a place for me to put ideas onto the screen. And that’s liberating. Maybe I’ll even record my own rap a la Dr. Shaq.

Never mind.  That would be terrible.

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